What a girl Wants vs. What a girl Needs

This is where I find myself time and again. Torn between what I want and what I need.
Throughout my courting career I have liked Many, Many, Men. As any of my close (and not so close) Girlfriends will tell you, I seem to emulate Jane Austen's Line "(My Love) Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings".
This, I find, is both fun and frustrating. To my little circle of Girlfriends, I seem fickle. To the ones who know me well, I am just trying to find My Mr. Darcy. 


My process is as follows:
Girl meets Boy.
Boy shows slight interest in girl (he could just be very friendly)
Girl has long chats with Girlfriends about what to do and how to act
Boy asks Girl to do something in a group
Girl gets overly excited
Girl and Boy attend function (not together, but sort of)
Girl chats with Girlfriends more
Girl chats with Boy on Facebook or otherwise
Girl chats with Girlfriends more
Girl tells Parents about Boy
Girl finds something wrong with Boy
Girl decides to move on and not get her heart broken by Boy
Girl and Boy are still friends
Boy is oblivious to all of this


...And that is how it goes.
The part that always messes me up, and seems to keep men coming and going in my life, is "Girl Finds Something Wrong With Boy".
And by this I mean, either through his conduct or conversation I find his missing piece. The one thing that is on my "List" that I want/need.
And that is where I get confused.
There are several things that are important to me. 
That he love God and actively seek him, Know how to manage finances, and have similar values about family.


Where I keep running into problems is I find that a guys is too immature, not "religious" enough, doesn't have the similar values, no initial "spark" between us, etc. It seems to me that I always find a guy that is All of these things but One. He is missing one piece and I am afraid to go for it. So I quit. I resign to the fact that he isn't worth my effort and the heartbreak I would inevitably suffer, so I decide to move on. 


But there are a few times where I have not acted as such. Where one guy, who is missing an important piece, catches my eye. And no matter what I do, I can't shake him. 
For example, I liked one of these 999 piece guys. Then another guy came into my life at the same time I had decided to give up said 999 piece guy. Turns out they were both 999 piece guys, but for different reasons. The first one was falling short in the spiritual department. The second one fell short in the "spark" department. I was torn between what I wanted (guy #1) and what I needed (guy #2).


So what did I do?
I'll let you know........

Why You're Still Single, in a Nutshell

I’ve noticed a common theme among men on dating sites: they are looking for someone who is intelligent, independent, and funny. That’s great because I happen to be an intelligent, funny, and (depending on your definition) independent woman; yet, I am still single. Assuming, of course, that I’m not an ogre, there must be an explanation.


I believe that although many men will say this is the woman they are seeking, they will actually be very turned off by this type of woman, leaving everyone scratching their heads in confusion and still single. Why is this?


I have a few theories:
1. Men are driven by their egos. Ego is the core of how a man views himself in relation to the world. If the ego is stroked, the guy is content with his status. If a man perceives a threat to his ego (for example: the woman is potentially smarter), he will no longer be interested in that woman. He does this to secure his higher status (albeit antiquated in thought). This leads the man to ignore a potentially compatible mate without ever getting to know her and, more importantly, never actually determining if she is indeed smarter or if he just perceived her as such! What a shame! They could have had hours of intellectual conversations!


2. Men want to feel needed, financially and emotionally. They really want to provide for a woman (See #1). It helps them secure their status and position in a relationship. If the man perceives that a woman “brings home the bacon”, he will no longer want to take care of this woman. He will perceive that she does not need a man. Sadly, he will be mistaken because even a woman of financial means needs a man to take care of her. She might not be completely dependent on him, financially speaking, but she will love him and appreciate his tokens of affection. These gestures make her feel like a woman. Yes…it’s true! It’s less about the need and more about the gesture of caring that opens a woman’s heart!


3. Men don’t want to be the butt of anyone’s joke (See #1). If a woman tells a few jokes, she is attractive to the man. If she tells too many jokes, especially at someone else’s expense, he will be wondering if she is making fun of him when he is not around. He might even begin to “read into” her jokes and believe she is actually laughing at him, instead of with him. For this one, I can only say the man could be insecure or he could be very perceptive. Women do have a tendency to make light of things that really, in fact, annoy them. So listen carefully, men, to those little pricks and prods. She might actually be making fun of you!


So, this is my advice to all of the single guys looking for a smart, financially secure woman. Give a girl a chance and ask her out on a date. While she might, in fact, be a genius and a millionaire, she is also, first and foremost, a woman who truly wants to be known and loved by a man. She wants your attention, your affection, your tokens, and your heart. Afterall, if she said, “Yes” to a date, then you’ve already proven yourself worthy and there’s no need to let your insecurities stand in the way any longer!

An Open Letter

An open letter to gentlemen search of a true lady

From women who are worth the trouble to find

As we have watched interactions between the ladies and gentlemen of our acquaintance, we have noticed something: ladies often can’t tell the difference between a gentleman pursuing them in view of a relationship and a gentleman simply being friendly or flirty. It seems like such a simple thing on paper. Step 1—gentleman finds a lady he’s interested in pursuing. Step 2—he commences the pursuit. Step 3—the lady expresses her approval or disapproval of the pursuit. In practice, however, it becomes much more complicated. It seems that steps 1 and 2 often get mixed up, resulting in a young gentleman beginning to pursue every young lady he finds the least bit interesting, all at once. When the ladies feel they are being pursued, they react accordingly, only to be told there is no real interest on the gentleman’s part. This results in the ladies beginning to consider him more of a cad than a true gentleman.

Why is this consideration a problem? Once the reputation of a cad begins to spread, very few of the ladies worth having will be interested in being pursued by the gentleman in question. They will assume that the behavior patterns that have held in his relations with the other ladies of their acquaintance will hold in his relations with them.

Here, then, in the interest of intergender relations, are some suggestions from the ladies.

DO:
*Speak to ladies
*Dance with ladies
*Walk ladies to their carriages
*Hug ladies hello/goodbye
*Ask if ladies will be at _______ event
*Call/text/facebook
*Hold doors open
*Sit with or ladies at social gatherings

DON’T:
*Spend most of the time speaking to one lady, especially several nights in a row
*Ask one lady to dance far more than others
*Walk just one lady to her carriage several times consecutively
*Hug just one lady hello/goodbye
*Act specially concerned about just one lady’s presence or absence at _____ event
*Call/text/facebook daily
*Hold doors just for specific ladies
*Always take care to sit beside the same lady

Are you getting the idea? The key to your success is in treating all the ladies with the same respect. We know you’re not going to treat everyone exactly identically. There will be some people you’re better friends with, some nights they keep playing your favorite dance to do with Miss X, nights when you’re not feeling like talking to lots of people, and so forth. But when we see you consistently favoring Miss X over everyone else, both the ladies in general and Miss X in particular will think you’re interested in pursuing more than just friendship with her.

We’re sure you find drama-free social interactions to be far more pleasant than the dramatic sort. Therefore, tempting though it may be to bait many fish hooks and troll the waters, waiting to see who you can interest with your masculine charms, our advice is DON’T. You see, most ladies are smarter than the average fish (at least, the good ones are), and we talk—even the quietest among us. We will soon figure out that you’re trolling (or using the serial individual pursuit form known as “flavor of the month”) and we will treat you accordingly. We’ll put you on our list of people who are fun to talk with, or even hang out with occasionally; but in the category of “eligibility,” you will be marked “player.”

Hey, it’s up to you. It may take some self control. But the women worth having are looking for men worth having. Will you choose to be one?