An Open Letter

An open letter to gentlemen search of a true lady

From women who are worth the trouble to find

As we have watched interactions between the ladies and gentlemen of our acquaintance, we have noticed something: ladies often can’t tell the difference between a gentleman pursuing them in view of a relationship and a gentleman simply being friendly or flirty. It seems like such a simple thing on paper. Step 1—gentleman finds a lady he’s interested in pursuing. Step 2—he commences the pursuit. Step 3—the lady expresses her approval or disapproval of the pursuit. In practice, however, it becomes much more complicated. It seems that steps 1 and 2 often get mixed up, resulting in a young gentleman beginning to pursue every young lady he finds the least bit interesting, all at once. When the ladies feel they are being pursued, they react accordingly, only to be told there is no real interest on the gentleman’s part. This results in the ladies beginning to consider him more of a cad than a true gentleman.

Why is this consideration a problem? Once the reputation of a cad begins to spread, very few of the ladies worth having will be interested in being pursued by the gentleman in question. They will assume that the behavior patterns that have held in his relations with the other ladies of their acquaintance will hold in his relations with them.

Here, then, in the interest of intergender relations, are some suggestions from the ladies.

DO:
*Speak to ladies
*Dance with ladies
*Walk ladies to their carriages
*Hug ladies hello/goodbye
*Ask if ladies will be at _______ event
*Call/text/facebook
*Hold doors open
*Sit with or ladies at social gatherings

DON’T:
*Spend most of the time speaking to one lady, especially several nights in a row
*Ask one lady to dance far more than others
*Walk just one lady to her carriage several times consecutively
*Hug just one lady hello/goodbye
*Act specially concerned about just one lady’s presence or absence at _____ event
*Call/text/facebook daily
*Hold doors just for specific ladies
*Always take care to sit beside the same lady

Are you getting the idea? The key to your success is in treating all the ladies with the same respect. We know you’re not going to treat everyone exactly identically. There will be some people you’re better friends with, some nights they keep playing your favorite dance to do with Miss X, nights when you’re not feeling like talking to lots of people, and so forth. But when we see you consistently favoring Miss X over everyone else, both the ladies in general and Miss X in particular will think you’re interested in pursuing more than just friendship with her.

We’re sure you find drama-free social interactions to be far more pleasant than the dramatic sort. Therefore, tempting though it may be to bait many fish hooks and troll the waters, waiting to see who you can interest with your masculine charms, our advice is DON’T. You see, most ladies are smarter than the average fish (at least, the good ones are), and we talk—even the quietest among us. We will soon figure out that you’re trolling (or using the serial individual pursuit form known as “flavor of the month”) and we will treat you accordingly. We’ll put you on our list of people who are fun to talk with, or even hang out with occasionally; but in the category of “eligibility,” you will be marked “player.”

Hey, it’s up to you. It may take some self control. But the women worth having are looking for men worth having. Will you choose to be one?